Virgin Garden(er)
The price of every thing is going up. And I like to buy everything. The food crisis and reports of rationing at bulk food superstores are enough portent of doom-wise to fire a low grade panic in this binge eater. So to take control of my own family’s destiny and to stave off my post-apocalyptic nightmare anxiety I’m going to grow vegetables. Or I should say that I’m going to TRY to grow vegetables. Usually things grow on my vegetables due to lack of use in my crisper… so this will be a switch. I’m hoping to save money and my entire family through tomato and zucchini.
First up I searched my yard for a spot. I think this is perfect. The garden hose is right there so I won’t have to haul water AND it’s near the kitchen so I can pinch off the herbs and add them right to my Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for that special touch.
Now you may wonder.. what’s that white bag thingy currently acting as a focal point for my future vegetable garden? Jimmy Hoffa? Amelia Earhart? Or the Christmas Tree? Yeah it’s the Christmas Tree. Before I can dig out a garden in this perfect spot I either have to take the tree to the recycle place, the Island of Misfit Toys, or just spray it with Rustoleum and use it next year.
And that garbage can? I don’t know what’s in it and I am afraid to open it. But try to throw away a garbage can. You can’t.
Garden experts recommend that you keep a log as you work in the dirt. So welcome to the dirty little log of this Virgin Garden(er.) And since this a diet blog I think it fits in because I’m growing veggies, they’re zero points PLUS it’s like physical labor right? Win-win.
I hear HGTV is very worried about my burgeoning home and garden empire. They should be they really should be.
Gardening virgins always seem cuter than most … but don’t you have kids?
I’ll help with laying out a garden, tilling, bricking around it … but planting, weeding, trimming, etc., just plain sux and I ain’t doin’ it. I can really dig yer potatoes though, and maybe even yank yer carrots.
can’t you grind up the Christmas tree for organic fertilizer or homemade potpourri or something?
I tried to garden two years ago and the frigging animals ate every vegetable I came close to producing. One day I’d see a squash blossom, the next minute it got eaten.
I gave up and focused on my lush dandelion garden…
Oooo … dandelion wine …
Yeah, animals will be a problem. You may want to consider surrounding the virginity with a fence. Yeah, there ya’ go … we’ll call it Kiki’s Chastity Garden.
Kiki has a killer dog. Varmints won’t stand a chance. ‘Course, killer might eat the veggies…with meat sauce
I just go to the farmer’s market. And use all that free time to do other things. Like drink wine and exercise.
I’m still figuring out how to plant buffalo wings and jalopeno poppers, nobody seems to carry those seeds no matter where i go
For buffalo wings, first ya gotta find a buffalo and get the seed from ‘im …
(yeah I know, that’s darn nasty!)
You gotta keep us up to date with your virgin gardening progress! And I expect pictures AND word descriptions!
Ooooh, I can post pictures of our Whore Garden. Loser Husband has a serious green thumb. (also…for any new folks…he’s a loser ‘cuz he loses weight just by thinking about it…he’s actually very productive…but a loser)
I’m not ‘exactly’ a virgin gardener….I’d say I’ve made it to third base. We’ve had mini gardens in the past (a few tomato plants and a squash or two) This year I’m going all the way. We planted melons, cucumbers, squash, zucchini, green beans, corn, tomatoes, okra, peppers, carrots, and brussel sprouts. “planted” being the key word here….we’ve not harvested anything yet. No sign of the watermelon seeds sprouting yet but everything else is popping up.
I have the same diet mentality with this gardening thing too – the fact that it’s good for me and I’m getting a work out ‘hoin’ around.
How I long to plant an herb garden. I think the white bag and can make your garden tres chic. MS look out.
‘hoin around’ LOVE
And noble pig you’re food clearly isn’t lacking w/out a herb garden
and of course I’ll update here.. at this point if it ain’t nailed down it’s blog fodder
your not you’re..
Greta love, here I’ve been wondering why I can’t get to your blog anymore, frustrated, and finally I look at the web addy and see you typed doesthisblotmakeuslookfat. Blot??! * snort * No wonder I kept getting error msgs.
Anyhoo – here I am again love, miss me? I’ve got to say this post is perfect, I’ve been working in the yard all day, I’m sunburned and exhausted, but I transplanted all my lilies and clipped back my hydrangeas. I raked the whole yard and have only the leaves under the trampoline left to attack, but no way in HELL am I doing that today. Now I need to seed the lawn again and figure out a watering system that won’t make me feel guilty for using what is soon to become another precious commodity. * sighs * It’s hard to be green and want green, if you know what I mean.
I totally love that you still have your Christmas tree wrapped in plastic. We just got rid of ours a few weeks ago.
I think DoesThisBLOTMakeUsLookFat should be a blog. Of course that BLOT makes us look fat.. it’s horizontally stripes. And thank you for the nice comment.
mamatulip – I’m glad I’m not alone.
I am looking forward to future installments of this. Before I make this suggestion let it be known that I can’t even keep a houseplant alive, but maybe you could chop the christmas tree into little pieces and use it as mulch.
I just killed your garden before you even planted it by just looking at it and leaving this comment. THAT is how black my thumbs are.
Hey moosh… me thumbs aren’t so hot either. We’ll see.. this weekend is the cutting out of the bed. I’m thinking I’ll hit a gas line and kill us all.That’s one way to save on food.