Vacation Bathing Suit
Hello all! I’m back from vacation in the land of shorts and bathing suits. I have not weighed myself yet. I’ve decided to give myself two days of reasonable eating before I step on the scale. If the scale reveals a superbad mad high number at least I’ll already be back on my eating plan and can absorb the blow.
Meanwhile I’ll show you the saviour of my vacation. In addition to the fabulous fat obscuring spray tan I found this bathing suit.
The whacked out stripes created confusion in the minds of all who viewed me in the bathing suit. One saw the stripes and questioned their very existence. Is that her waste? Is that a roll? Is that a white stripe or a black stripe? I also reclined on a striped towel thus completely stupefying anyone who saw me in this number. I had many people say.. I like your bathing suit? (upward inflect that bathing suit and you’ll get a sense of how I know my plan to confuse worked brilliantly)
In addition to confusing other poolside vacationers with my striped suit I felt fairly safe near sharks. Back in the 1970s I recall learning from the Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom that sharks get muddled when they observe striped sea life. So one garment rendered me safe from sharks AND judgement. Pretty good.
And before you get all “that suit’s tiny” you should know it’s not. I don’t quite fit in it either. (There was a lot of tucking of stuff going on in between Mai Tais.) If you’re looking to buy this beauty for yourself I got it at Target and it was the last larger size of this style I could find. Happy hunting land sharks.
P.S. This suit worked so well that I’m seriously considering designing a bathing suit line with “eyeball confuser” as my style guide. The suits would be paired with Magic Eye towels so that other beach goers wouldn’t know what the hell hit them. It’s much easier to give other people headaches than actually diet I think!