Name It Claim It for Diet Delusions

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There’s a self help saying that rhymes like this, “name it, claim it.”  The theory being how can you get better if you don’t first admit you’re sick? Well I have some long held diet delusions and I’m naming them. I’d like you to take a lighter and burn them okay? Maybe then they can stop slapping me down.

Name It Diet DelusionI can lose 5 pounds a week.
Now since 1969 this has happened ONCE and I had mono but still. It’s like how I believe I will have that dance with Danny Zucko at the gym sock hop. I can’t let it go. (And young tweens of today flash forward to 2028 and replace Zucko with Zac Efron, also in the gym. What I’m saying here is save your pity you’ll need it for your own future self.)
Claim It
Losing 1 to 2 pounds a week is a healthy pace for permanent weight loss. Losing 1 to 2 pounds a week is a healthy pace for permanent weight loss. Losing 1 to 2 pounds a week… yadayada

Name It Diet DelusionI will get down to my goal weight by {insert occasion}.  When I arrive at {insert occasion} I’ll incite desire in some and rage in others. And I will also instantaneously know how to ballroom dance at this new weight.
Claim It
Healthy eating is about lifestyle change and a lifestyle commitment not careening toward {insert occasion.} And no matter what you weigh ballroom dancing is likely not going to spontaneously break out. ALSO you shouldn’t want others to be enraged by your thinness. It’s about health not jealousy. However it is perfectly fine if everybody wants you. (Ask Billy Squire.)

Name It Diet DelusionI will start my diet tomorrow/Monday/January 1st.
Claim It
The choice for a healthy lifestyle starts now, not Monday. Each minute is a choice. Each minute is an opportunity. And each minute those friggin’ cookies sit in the kitchen all naked and exposed they gain strength. Must destroy cookies.

Name It Diet DelusionI can’t help it. I have no willpower.
Claim It – I AM SHE-RA, PRINCESS OF POWER, MISTRESS OF THE UNIVERSE. MY WILLPOWER CAN RENT THE EARTH ASSUNDER! Sorry. I got a little carried away.

Name It Diet DelusionI’ve already cheated so I’ll just eat everything since the day’s already ruined.
Claim It– It’s that choice thing again. A mistep shouldn’t lead to totally chucking my progress. A mistep shouldn’t lead to chucking my progress. A mistep yadayadayada

Name It Diet DelusionI love chocolate. I can’t live without it so much a lot. (My love of chocolate can’t be bound by grammar or sense a lot.)
Claim It – Fat Free Sugar Free Jello with whipped cream is just as good. This is a lie. Chocolate so much a lot is better. God help me if loving it is wrong I don’t want to be right.

Name it Diet DelusionI’ll start exercising after I lose a few pounds.
Claim It– Exercise is about health and strength. It is not about weight. No matter what size I am exercise needs to be a part of my daily life. Besides if Patrick Swayze and I are really going to get that lift right I’ve got to work on my core.

So everyone – Name Your Diet Delusion  and Claim the Solution. There are people out there right? Did I delusion that up too?

And don’t tell the guards but I’ve now lost 13 pounds since January. Keep it to yourself or they’ll make me put it back on. The guards like to boss She-Ra around. Friggin’ Guards.



Comments

46 Responses to “Name It Claim It for Diet Delusions”
  1. What a great post. This made me laugh a lot because it’s so true and I can relate to most of these. My diet delusion is that I assume I only need to give up one sinful sweet food item and all will be cured such as, “If I can just give up eating fruit pies….then I’ll get serious about this weight loss. Thanks for the laugh.

  2. Kel says:

    Awesome post!

    How about this delusion? “When I get through ~insert stressful time/event~ I will start to eat better and exercise more.

    Being overweight causes some of the stress. And that stress
    will never end unless I start to make better choices,
    right?

  3. Lori says:

    Delusion: I’ll be happy when I’ve lost this weight.

    Claim: Figure out the issue that is making me unhappy and deal with it now. It is probably causing me to binge eat!!

  4. Name It: All I have to do is spend thirty minutes on the treadmill and the stadium sized pizza I ate for lunch won’t matter.

    Claim It: Yeah, right.

  5. furiousball says:

    oh i’ve got a pop-up trailer for you right here

  6. Name It: If I was perfect in my diet and never ate anything that wasn’t ‘allowed’ then I would be at my perfect weight.

    Claim It: And I probably wouldn’t have any memories of sitting at a fancy restaurant enjoying a sherry, splitting a piece of cheesecake while holding my husband’s hand.

    And also, being perfect (diet’wise of weight’wise) is overrated!

  7. Greta says:

    Name It: I’m supposed to be 110 lbs…like my mother…and when I was 20 or else I am lazy and gluttonous.

    Claim It: I’m not my mother. I’m not 20. I need to eat better and exercise and whatever I weigh is what I weigh.

    FB: HAAAAAHAAAAA!

  8. noble pig says:

    I am so part of the diet delusion behavior! Yikes.

  9. Hilary says:

    “I’ll incite desire in some and rage in others.”

    This one made me laugh in recognition—oh lord, I admit it, I’m totally that petty…. but yes, I am now realizing that it is a deluded train of thought. Yep.

  10. Kiki says:

    Brett – Thank you and yeah..I’ve got to add that one.
    Kel – Totally, turns out LIFE is stressful and it keeps on coming. (hopefully)
    Lori – Are we the same person?
    Charlie Hills – it was your comment about vacation eating that helped me avoid weight gain! I owe you.
    furiousball – impressive
    S and S – That is totally sweet AND amen.
    Greta – That’s what I’m trying to evolve into.
    noble – I go to your blog when I want to have vicarious deliciousness.
    Hilary – I’m working on this too. All aboard the delusion train! At least we’ll all enjoy the other passengers.

  11. Kyddryn says:

    The last time I lost five pounds in a week (besides the week I gave birth and lost thirty pounds – really) was when aliens took up residence in my digestive tract and made life miserable for me until they moved one. Bleh. Right now I’m at a twelve pound loss since January, and while it’s not stellar, I’ll take it. I didn’t put the weight on in a month, it won’t come off that way.

    I will get down to my goal weight eventually. Meanwhile, I don’t want to be envied – I’d settle for not being stared at in public or the cause of much consternation at the pool.

    I’m not on a diet. I’m simply being more conscious about what I eat. Also, I destroyed the cookies two days ago (with my teeth!), so you’re covered.

    I have no will power, but I’ve got plenty of won’t power – as in, I won’t eat the other box of cookies this month. OK, I won’t eat it this week. OK, I won’t eat it today. In the next ten minutes. Gah!!

    I plan my missteps. Is that wrong??

    Chocolate can be beneficial to mental and physical well being and should be consumed daily.

    I miss the gym. I liked the way I felt after a good workout – stretched, string, and not as out-of-breath as I was the week before. Gas prices are curtailing my gym jaunts, and so is my attitude. Sigh. I will go in the morning, when childcare is open and the Evil Genius can happily play while I torture myself on the treadmill.

    I don’t know if I have any delusions left. Mostly, when I think about it, I know my weight/health is my responsibility. I know what I’m eating, I am very aware of it, and I’m fairly well educated about nutrition so I know what food is good – or bad – for. For the most part, I’m the only thing getting in my way. An illusion or two would be nice, really.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

    PS – is there an open bar on the delusion train? A chocolate bar??

  12. Kiki says:

    K – I get in my own way all the time and of course we’ve got a fully stocked open bar on the delusion train. Otherwise what’s the point?

  13. my favorite saying when it comes to healthy eating is “Do the next right thing.” if you eat a brownie (or 10) do the next right thing: eat your next healthy meal. dont eat everything in site and dont skip your next meal to “make up for it.” Because that will only cause you to eat everything in sight later on.

    Eating is linear- not a something you start over and over again everytime you eat a skittle you found between the couch cusions.

    http://www.groundedfitness.com

  14. Kiki says:

    Every Gym… “do the next right thing” is a good creed!
    And well… how did you know I ate couch Skittles today?

  15. Shelley says:

    Oh, this is a good one. My delusion is that I don’t want to lose weight for looks or anything…I just want to be HEALTHY. Therefore, I will only eat things that are good for me. Good for my body. Protein, fruit, veggies, whole grains. Yeah, that works for a few days.

    Then after that comes the delusion of moderation. There are no bad foods, after all…there are just bad portion sizes. If you deprive yourself of any one food group (carbs, sweets, fats, whatever), you will crave those. Don’t deny yourself anything, but it’s all about PORTION CONTROL. Yeah. That works for a few days too. Then I want a Big Mac and fries. And a hot fudge sundae.

  16. Nicole says:

    Keep it real… I’m fat again.

  17. Sagan says:

    LOVE this post! We all suffer so much from diet delusions. Just need to keep remembering “I AM SHE-RA” hehe:)

  18. Jamie Atlas says:

    Love that post! You totally inspired me to writea blog post all about this in my own blog

    Here is a link to this post in the post I wrote – if you are interested go to:

    http://jamieatlas.wordpress.com

    and look for the post titled: stop your bitchin’

    Love your approach! You guys actually make this fitness stuff funny – man does the fitness industry need more of that!

    PS My blog is not as cool as yours. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated if you feel like sharing :)

  19. Kiki says:

    Shelley those are both my kind of delusions as well.
    Nicole – it so sucks doesn’t it? In my book you’re gorgeous all the time.
    Sagan – Thank you. Let’s all scream SHE RA next time we’re doing pilates or something.
    Jamie – Welcome and thank you for the link. I checked out your blog and it’s inspired me. It also has a little tough love which I totally need.
    We’re all just figuring this blog stuff out as we go… just like fitness eh?

  20. crazylady says:

    Love, love, loved this post !!! I have ALL those delusions as well! Lately I’m learning to claim them too and let them go go… (run free little delusions)

    Another major one of mine is:

    Delusion: Other people can eat what they want and not put on weight.
    Claim it: Ha! No they bloody well cannot. They either exercise loads or smoke which curbs their appetite or if I look they closely – they watch what they eat.

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  29. daniele says:

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  30. Diet Delusion is the effective way to get a perfect slim and healthy body.

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  33. Marilyn says:

    I did all these things so I know where you’re all coming from. Then I discovered the most unique way to lose weight. Yes I discovered it. I actually gave up trying to rid myself of the extra weight I was carrying. I was a Grandma and believed I could now get away with being fat. So I didn’t have to make excuses and I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. This is when I gave up and then by sheer accident I discovered the way to do it. I also have a Doctor give a Testimony on the Book and the Plan. Have a look at the website and read all of the pages. There are a few things in there that you are probably not aware of about other diets. Oh and don’t call my Plan a diet. It’s not. marilynsplanforweightloss.com.au go on. Have a look, you have nothing to lose but your weight. xxx

  34. Diet Delusion seem to work for some people , I don’t see anything wrong with that , I think we all need it after the holiday season.

    Happy new year !!

  35. I really like this phrase “The choice for a healthy lifestyle starts now!”

  36. Paige Flores says:

    I just love to do ballroom dancing specially during my free times. dancing is my passion.;*’

  37. This was a great post, thanks for the info.

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