Vacation Fat Emergency
As always, I started out the year with the best of intentions. Kiki has reported that since starting this blog, she has lost 13 pounds. Woot! I, unfortunately, have ended up with a net gain of about 6 lbs. She’s lucky I’m contractually required to think she is awesome.
Ok, but my vacation starts in 12 days. Everyone all together now…FLARG!!!!!!
I’m in crisis mode. Sirens blaring! Time to bust out my time honored tricks for dealing with fat emergencies such as this. Obviously, these are good for vacations, weddings, class reunions, trips to the grocery store etc…
- Get a tan! It’s a scientifically proven fact that tan fat looks better than white fat. Sure, overexposure to the sun causes cancer etc. But you can get a spray tan, tan-in-a-can, whatever your pleasure.
- Buy cute new outfits.Even if they are a size or two bigger than you were hoping, there’s something confidence-boosting for me when my clothes are all new and shiny. Plus, everyone knows that Old Navy sizes are true and accurate anyway.
- Get better self-esteem! Er…I’m working on this. I know it’s much better to feel good than to look good and I should like me for me anyway. In the meantime though…
- Self-medicate. Seriously, booze and xanax (though not together) makes me look soooooo much skinnier.
And in regards to #2, I bought 3 new bathing suits. I’m going for Kiki’s Suit of Confusion, but in a brown paisley version. Also a faux tankini. Like a tankini but really a one piece so I’m hoping to avoid the trapped belly fat of the original version. I’ll tell you how it works out.
Oooh, and there’s also secret #5. Steal Pasty White Mannequin and Insert In Place of Greta if Anyone Whips Out a Camera!
Care to share any of YOUR Vacation Fat Emergency tips? I need all the help I can get.