Salmonella Salad
“Salmonella, Salmonella, night and day it’s Salmonella.”
To the tu
ne of Cinderella
The latest warning by the U.S. government is to avoid jalapeno peppers. They could be the source of the salmonella outbreak that previously had everyone avoiding tomotoes. This news comes at the same time the jalepeno peppers I grew my own self are ready to pick.
All month I’ve been eating cucumbers and tomatoes like a 
pirate with no regard to government warnings. Since I grew them in garden I figured the worst that could happen is they’d taste like poo not actually be poo. Boy did I pick the wrong summer to grow my own vegetables if I’m really serious about getting skinny.
I’m not going to lie. Sometimes I hope for a quick case of stomach flu, a tape worm or possibly even touch of salmonella. It could be just the ticket to jump start my weight loss. Any one of those ailments could be good for 5 pounds.
All this time I thought experts were recommending a diet rich in vegetables for the nutrients. Nuh unh.. it’s the possibility of quick weight loss due to poisoning that really make store bought vegetables the attractive choice for someone looking to lose weight.
In addition, health gurus tell you to reduce the amount of “processed” foods you eat. They warn that processed foods are high in calories or carbohydrates or fat. But now we know the real reason. You should avoid processed foods because normally you don’t get violently ill after eating say… mac and cheese? How are you gonna get skinny if you feel full and content? Um you’re not.
Sure constant eating of macaroni and cheese could cause weight gain and in turn lead to illnesses like diabetes and heart disease. But those are chronic. Heck with chronic. I’m after the acute, virulent, and brief case of heaving so I can really get my diet on track.
My attorneys advise that I add a link to this disclaimer and remind you that if you want to live, ignore my diet choices.
i am all about the salmonella salad. sounds like just the ticket for a healthy amount of weight loss. i may have to look into what veggies are tainted over here!
youd be shocked the number of friendsathome who were jealous of an amoeba I contracted while living in the third world.
they wanted the weightloss.
me? I wanted to be about to leave the toilet for more than two minutes
at a stretch.
i’ll eat anything as long as you sprinkle some bacon bits on it.
I think your garden is probably free from and Sam and Ella.
“I’m not going to lie. Sometimes I hope for a quick case of stomach flu, a tape worm or possibly even touch of salmonella. It could be just the ticket to jump start my weight loss. Any one of those ailments could be good for 5 pounds”
This comment made me laugh out loud. I am secretly thrilled to know that other people have had that through cross their minds.
sweetsandsweats.wordpress.com
grrr–though=thought. Why can’t these things allow editing? (Or why can’t I learn to proof read before I hit submit???!)
sweetsandsweats.wordpress.com
Does Salmonella just give you digestive issues or does it also give you death? I’m a fan of temporary stomachular discomfort if it means a flat tummy but alas, death is a bit much to commit to in the name of our lord skinny. I hear death causes major bloating too… we may want to rethink this.
Natalie – I’m glad you’re onboard.
Miz – 3rd world amoeba…see you’re cutting edge
furious – sounds tasty!
Sweets – Thank you and it’s a good time to remind everyone I am kidding.
Nicole – according to the CDC 40K peopple get salmonella a year but it goes under reported becaues it’s like a “flu” deal. Death is rare but more of a concern for young people and the elderly and people with compromised immune systems are the most at risk.
And I appreciate your role as the voice of reason. I need that. Normally I rely on Greta be the voice of reason and this could be a problem.
Oh, sugar, you are SO not alone! I have often wondered if there’s really something wrong with ordering a tapeworm from Mexico off the Internet, or if it’s just that doctors want you buying domestic parasites instead.
Hmm…do you read Pioneer Woman? She does something with jalapenos that is not at all slimming…but they look totally worth the extra arse acreage!
Remember the spinach scare last year? I ate it anyway and never got the least sick. Nor did I get all muscle-y, squinty, and unintelligible. The media lies.
I shall envy your garden – alas, I fear I shall have to rely on the market for my produce. You pays yer dollar and you takes yer chances…
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Oh sheesh. There’s always a warning about somethin’ or another. I usually igore them. I ate spinach when they said not to. I ate tomatoes when they said not to. I will continue to rebel. LIke you said, what’s wrong with a little instant slimming, if it happens? Better than eating crappy processed stuff, I think.
That is all.
(I did take it as being tongue in cheek.)
Well, I’m giving you lovely ladies an award (the Brillante Weblog 2008). Check out my blog for details.
Hope you had a great Wednesday!!
sweetsandsweats.wordpress.com
K – I’ll be at the grocery store come first frost and OF COURSE I read Pioneer Woman… she’s like Oprah.
P.O.M. – We’re rebels!
Sweets – Thank you… we don’t deserve your generousity. We humbly thank you and don’t miss tomorrow’s post where we do it in front of God and Everyone!
Haha, yes thats actually how my friend in high school lost a few kilos, thru a stomach flu. I was somewhat envious and tried sharing drink bottles with her for a week. Hee
A few workers in our area got Salmonella poisoning. It is a good thing that they did not die and they have fully recovered. |