Yikes.. nighty night.

EFFECTIVE SEPTEMBER 2, 2008

DRESS CODE:

1. It is advised that you come to school dressed according to your parent’s salary (a.k.a your social status). If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you can afford a tuition fee increase (101%).

2. If you dress poorly, your parents need to learn how to manage and/or budget money better, so that they can buy you nicer clothes and so you can shrug off a tuition fee increase, therefore you are not exempted from it.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you can afford a tuition fee increase.

ABSENCES:

SICK DAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to school.

COMPASSIONATE ABSENCE

This is no excuse for missing school. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, classmates or pets. Every effort should be made to study harder.

TOILET USE

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the school’snotice board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the school’s mental health policy.