Letter to the Office Diet Saboteur
Feel free to print the letter below and circle the items that apply to your workplace!
I am sure you’ve noticed that I have (struggled with weight my whole life/just had a baby/am retaining water for many people/drink too many beers). Recently I have begun to (crash diet/count calories/reduce carbs/adopt a healthy lifestyle) in attempt to (lose a few pounds/fit into my old prom dress/become smoking hot/lower my risk of a massive heart attack).
I have noticed that you enjoy (baking/bringing in band candy/celebrating even those most minuscule holidays). I would appreciate if you would stop putting treats (on my desk/next to my cubicle/on my computer monitor/in my face). You certainly have every right to bring these items to work but please put them in the break room. This way I can avoid the temptation and you can continue to enjoy bringing in treats.
In addition, after I decline your food items please desist from announcing loudly to the (entire office/free world) that (one piece won’t hurt/I am on another crazy diet/you knew I couldn’t resist).
Your actions when I decline your food indicate that you (are jealous of my success/want me to continue to ignore my health/are a jackbag).
I enjoy our working relationship and hope that it continues productively, however if you persist in sabotaging my efforts I will get a safety pin and poke the voodoo doll of you I keep in my (purse/briefcase) in its (butt/eye/big toe). This shouldn’t surprise you as you always knew I couldn’t resist.
photo from http://www.flickr.com/photos/timpatterson/