Okay you know the gun barrell we’re staring down right? The Holiday Eatapalooza. Not only do I partake on the actual holiday I feel free to nosh while I bake, shop, wrap, and scream at my family (a holiday tradition.) And of course I enjoy gorging myself on leftover Thanksgiving dinner because it is even more awesomer than actual Thanksgiving Dinner.

Now that we’re in November it’s time to solidify my plan. If I have any hope of wearing something other than a giant cowl neck sweater over leggings for the holiday parties I must resolve some stuff.

 

So here they are, the November Resolutions.

I resolve to drink 1200 ounces of water. (not in one day of course that would kill you. We’re talking six glasses a day.)
I resolve to seek out lower calorie options for Thanksgiving Side Dishes. (Cardboard casserole?)
I resolve to exercise at least 15 times before December 1st. (Screaming at the family about how busy I am counts as exercise.)
I resolve to give away as many leftovers to friends and family as they’re gullible enough to take. (Let them worry about resisting more pie. I need it GONE.)
I resolve to soul search my inner child and find out why she throws a tantrum when she feels fat and proceeds to hack through a bag of chips muttering, I’m not losing weight so I may as well enjoy my life. Where’s the fraking french onion dip?
I resolved to stop and think about my food before I put it in my mouth AND then sit down to eat it. Recent studies suggest that  that calories consumed while standing do count.
I resolve to have carrots/mushrooms/broccoli/air nearby while I cook. I also resolve to eat them.
I resolve to look up the nutritional information for a dollop of batter. Recent studies suggest that dollops have calories and therefore have to be counted. (I’m starting to hate recent studies.)
I resolve to focus on the true meaning of Thanksgiving. For that I hark-en back to the pilgrims who were thankful that treadmills hadn’t been invented yet so they didn’t have to feel guilty for not using them. They celebrated by eating turkey.

GIVEAWAY ALERT! WE’VE GOT A GREAT DRAWING COMING THAT WE’LL POST AT 1PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME. COME BACK THIS AFTERNOON TO ENTER! WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULAR BROADCAST.