When the elliptical machine says you burned 800 calories, most likely you didn’t. A recent article by Howard Schneider assessed the calories the machine told him he was burning versus the calories reported by his more accurate wristwatch heart monitor. He found the elliptical read 800 calories burned. His wristwatch heart monitor knew his age, weight, height, astrological sign and position on NAFTA. So he believed his wristwatch. The heart monitor said he only burned 600 calories and  then reminded him to call his mother.

 Bottomline, the machine is lying to you.

This is really not too surprising to me because based on the readings on my treadmill I’m well my way to becoming a Victoria’s Secret Model. I’ve burned a gabillion calories. But it isn’t quite enough.

The solution? Schneider found a good website for us to check.  The Compendium of Physical Activities  gives the Metabolic Equivalent for activities. This apparently a better way to determine how many calories you are burning as you try to lose weight.

In light of this information I have a question. Is it wrong to take an ax to my treadmill? That’s not like a crime or anything right?

P.S. That’s me up there in that picture. You can still call me Kiki if you prefer. (It’s kind of a nickname for Becky.) Notice how I’ve strategically placed my name so as to minimize my double chin? I put the photo up there because Kiki and Greta are no longer anonymous. I’m also revealing Greta’s identity today. Click over to the Who Writes DTBMULF to see her without a bag on her head. If you’d like us to put the bags back on we’re cool with that look too.