Break Up Letter to The 2008 Diet
Dear 2008 Diet,
I know you’ve seen this coming but we’re through. I’m dumping you. I realize we have one more night but I think it’s important to make a clean break right now. No, we’re not going to any New Year’s Eve Parties together. I’ve made other plans.
We had some good times in the beginning 2008 Diet. When I first committed to you last January you were so cute, strong, and smart. I thought you could do anything. But really trouble began right away. I blame myself. I asked too much of you. I expected you to help me look good in a bikini. A bikini? I realize now that it’s going to take the CGI Wizards at Lucas Films to make that happen. Even though I know it’s not all your fault I still resent you Mr. 2008 Diet.
Oh and I cheated. I’m telling you now because it will make me feel better. I really don’t care if you don’t want to know I cheated on you 2208 Diet. Kind of a lot and it was good. Real good. But if it helps you move on I really felt bad after.
I picked you as my 2008 Diet because you seemed “reasonable” with healthy food choices, good hydration, moderate to intense exercise, and the flexibility to have things in moderation. But I’m bored with you. I really need new adventures.
So yes, I have a new Diet. Maybe you’ve heard of him, he’s the 2009 Diet. My 2009 Diet is a real race car I tell you. My 2009 Diet and I laugh about you behind your back. My 2009 Diet can’t wait to watch Oprah together next week, we can’t wait to go grocery shopping for stuff, we have a shiney new journal, and a high tech computer spread sheet. 2009 Diet has something you never had, stamina. Yep, 2009 Diet promised me he can go the distance all year long. Plus he understands my thyroid in ways you never could.
So I hope we can be friends 2008 Diet. We had some good times. Good Luck. And I’m only comfortable with a good bye hand shake. If 2009 Diet sees me even looking at you he’ll beat you up.
Me (you know, 2009 Diet’s girlfriend)