A few things in the wake of the Oscar extravaganza:

Sophia Loren rocks a tan and the hand on the hip.

A hand on the hip is a good choice because it creates a triangle whereby your waist is the smallest part of said triangle. Our plan is to walk around the kitchen with a hand on the hip.

Hugh Jackman.

We are very annoyed when rail thin actresses explain how they had baked macaroni and cheese and a hamburger as they got ready. It isn’t true AND if it is you’re very lucky so you should keep it quite.

Marisa Tomei’s figure is ridiculous. We’re reminding ourselves she hasn’t had children as small comfort. 

Angelina Jolie’s figure is ridiculous. We’re annoyed that she’s had a TWIN pregnancy and Brad Pitt.

We wonder if Jennifer Aniston’s still on The Zone. We’re so starting The Zone right now. We’re the same age and often compared.

We want to learn the Slum Dog Millionaire dance. Our children are against us gaining this knowledge. But if we learn it we’d be able to market the Slum Dog Millionaire Bolly-Cardio Workout DVD.

Did he not thank Princess Buttercup?

We really have to finish our screenplay about a couple of women curious about why they can’t bend and have to jammin’ to their buttons so they become professional wrestlers for exercise and restrict their diets to milk and Frosted Nixons and they start a blog and the Readers turn them into BuffDog Millionaires. We also plan to star in it and Hugh Jackman is ”attached.” The working title is Grease 3 or DTBUMULF -The Movie.