Diet Re-Commitment Day
- Swear on a Stack of Diet Books
I {state your name} do solemnly swear to re-commit to a healthy lifestyle on the this 11th day of March in the Year of Our Lard 2009. I {state your name} do freely admit without shame that I have forthwith ruined the progess I made in the first 7 minutes of 2009. I {state your name} was drunk and or hungover when I resolved to be healthy so in accordance with the laws outlined in the Magna Carta it did not counteth.
It is now with a realistic and mostly sober countenance that I affirm that there are only 75 days until Memorial Day Weekend. It is on this date that the other villagers commence the wearing of the short pants. This wearing of the short pants is legally prohibited by all that is holy and true for people such as I, {state your name}, who’s lower appendages are white and jiggly. This is for the protection of all villagers now living, dead, or in utero.
Being fully aware of above inalienable truths I {state your name} promise to myself, with Blog as my witness, the following:
1. Thou Shalt log all things living or dead that enter my mouth.
2. Thou shalt not purchase nor bake cookies/cakes/candies/frosting tubs/doughnuts/ice cream.
3. I will chooseth fruit and gum or sugar free jello when cookies/cakes/candies/frosting tubs/doughnuts/ice cream tempt thee.
4. Thou shalt consume 3-5 servings of vegetables a day.
5. Buy Beeno. (Shalt yes!)
6.Ignore the free food in the conference room.
7.Replace smooshy tasty bread with whole wheat rough grains.
(Henceforth this is the I-like-it-rough resolution.)
8. Drink 6 eight-once glasses of water a day and limit the mead. (That’s the alcohol not the paper products.)
9. Scope out of the ladies rooms of every location in all Christendom.
10 Endeavor to journey 10-12,000 steps per day.
11.Do aerobic activity (bike/run/treadmill/stairs) twice weekly.
12.Do anaerobic (muscle building) activities such as Pilates/Yoga/Weight training thrice weekly.
13 Stand up straight.
14 Silently pat myself on the back-fat for at least one positive thing a day.
15 Buy a new frock at THIS current size that I think I look nice in. (Contributing to the economy-eth)
16.Organize closet and pantry and further resolve that the closet and pantry will never look like the crazy hording Oprah topic again.
17. Encourage another person once a day.
18. Sleep at least 6 hours in a row before each ‘morrow.
I {state your name} do swear and recommit to becoming smoking hot or at least short pants eligible by Memorial Day, in the Year of Our Lard 2009. If I fail to honor this commitment it is understood that the other villagers won’t be surprised. And being of small mind I want the other villagers to be jealous.
So it is blogged.. so it shall be done.
If there are any other smooshy-jiggly-villagers that would like to re-commit with me, please {state your name} below.
Seems like every day is diet re-commitment day for me!
Oh, I am so in. I went to my WW meeting last night, and watched Biggest Loser. This morning I’ve been to sparkpeople.com, twitter (@wwtweets), and a few weight loss blogs (obviously). I have chosen grapefruit and Fiber One raisin bran for breakfast, and shall commence momentarily to the basement forthwith to exercise.
I hope I can last at least till lunchtime.
Heheheh the year of our lard! Too perfect! You have such a way with words. You crack me up! ((hugs))
Cindy – so true!
Sandwiched – I’m there with you. I’m GOING to exercise today dangit.
WannaBeSkinny – You reminded me that I had to recommit to this thingy. Thank you.
Rebecca
I’m at that point where it’s gotta be about the exercise. Thanks for the reminder. And thanks for the Full Bars, they really do work. I use them for an afternoon snack to get me through to dinner.
I am no longer the fattest person in the room! YAY!
Hilarious! I love it!! Yes, I recommit! This is perfect since I had a real “blah” day yesterday.
One of your best posts ever! I am still LOLing. And that burns calories doesn’t it ladies???
I am so in….forthwith…so let it be written…SO LET IT BE DONE!
Love this post!!! LOL!!! I totally hear you, sister!!!
Thank you for this.
I am firmly committed from this day forth until the fat
has disappeareth!! From this day forward my body will
be a bad-food free-zone.
ignoring the free food in the conference room — or wherver there is free food — is the hardest temptation sometimes…
I don’t know if I can commit to not baking cookies! I love the other ones though-so great!
Not that I’m totally impressed, but this is a lot more than I expected when I found a link on Digg telling that the info is awesome. Thanks.