I can’t quit food cold turkey without dying I it’s hard to think of food as an addiction. But it is – sort of right? One we have to manage as oppose to give up cold turkey? As such a few of the 12 Steps for Sobriety might be applicable for my fat fight.

Step 8 – Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step 9 – Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others  

ME:Um, excuse me Lifeguard. Yes, I’m sorry to interrupt but I just want to apologize. Yeah, you’re on my list. It’s just that the “tankini” seemed like a good choice ’cause of how it covers the top like a one piece and then it has a customizable sized bottom. PLUS the bottom was darker colored and that “minimized” a problem area. But see I didn’t realize it would just squeeze stuff from the top down and then since the bottom wasn’t attached fat oozed up from  the size camouflaging bottom too. So I’m sorry Mr. Lifeguard I want to make amends for my tankini.

MR. LIFEGUARD: Like listen ma’am, er, ah dude? Can you like move? You’re like blocking my like view of the, um, like whole beach. Oh too late. That kid just got eaten by a sea turtle. I’m so, like fired.

ME: I’m sorry.

So I’m not calling myself an addict. I just think that I’ve been over-served. See ’cause I’m not an addict. I don’t have to quit. And I could quit, I just don’t want to. See?