Yeah. I have it. I know it. A typical year for me (and to be clear, my dieting year starts in June, or at the dawn of bathing suit season…er…when it’s already too late) goes like this…

 

Diet Plan A: Ack! Summer’s blown. I might as well just eat. I’ll be able to work out and stick to something when the kids are back in school. Summer ends and I sign up for 3 months of Weight Watchers Online. Lose 8 pounds. Woo hoo! But then comes Halloween, Thanksgiving, Xmas, Martin Luther King Day, Flag Day. You HAVE to eat on Flag Day people!!!!

 

Net Weight Loss at the Conclusion of Diet Plan A = + 10 pounds

 

Fine. I’ll just be fat. Plus, now I’m eating two Smart Ones cookie dough sundaes at 11:00 at night and calling myself good for the day.

 

Diet Plan B: Ooooh, wait….if I sign up for one of those plans where they send the food to your door that will be the answer. The Secret of Life. If I don’t have to do more than zap everything I eat in the microwave, I’ll be skinny like I was in college. Hey…that IS how I ate in college. I was skinny in college. Why didn’t I figure this out before???

 

It’s not my fault. There’s sugar in some of those meals. And they’re soooo small. It’s going to take me weeks and weeks to lose my weight. 3 weeks in and I’m back to eating the cookie dough sundaes. ALL the cookie dough sundaes…at once.

 

Geesh. It’s totally got to be my thyroid. Crap! I’ve got 2 more weeks of meals coming in and it’s never going to work. Ooooh. The kids are eating potato chips. I’ll have just one…or 34. Or maybe it’s that drug the doctor gives me for sleep. THAT’S IT!!! No WONDER I’m not losing weight.

 

Net Weight Loss at the Conclusion of Diet Plan B = -2 pounds (or, if you’re keeping score, EXACTLY where I was before beginning the year’s first diet plan)

 

Diet Plan C (We’re 7 months into the year)

 

Ugh. Low carb. As soon as I finish the last box of food, I’ll switch to low carb….Oh, screw it. I’ll start low carb NOW. It’s not like the food will go to waste. Once I lose 10 lbs on low carb, I’ll switch back to those meals and eat ‘em then. Surely I can’t GAIN weight on ‘em, even if I didn’t lose right? Right???

 

Ooooh….shiny!

 

Net Weight Loss at the Conclusion of Diet Plan C = to be continued…