Since the dawn of the the 21st century and I got rid of my dial-up starting this fat blog w/ Kiki, I’ve decided to switch doctors. I need a doctor who can respond more to my increasingly wacked out hormonal hypochondriac premenopausal needs. I have found that doctor. Perhaps you’ve heard of him, his name is Dr. Google.

 I think that’s totally cool that everytime we have an appointment, he asks me if I’m feeling lucky. Some people might find that inappropriate, I suppose. Something about medical ethical cannons and all that.

Anyway…when I visit, I ask Dr. Google what he has to say about the lastest fat news. He never disappoints and gives me nuggets like this.

Today though, Dr. Google really pissed me off. Dr. Google says that apparently, even if I come into his office after having lost those 30, 20, 10 pounds I’ve been killing myself over, I’m still fat.

That’s right. Apparently skinny people aren’t really skinny. Dr. Google even discussed it with the Mayo Clinic. It must be true because they would know. Mayo is fattening, I hear.

Yeah, they basically attach electrodes to your hands and feet and send electricity through you. Now, I don’t know the specifics, but I guess your “fatness factor” relates to how jiggly you are when the current goes through. Jiggly skinny people are actually fat people…I guess.

 I don’t know what I did, but I think Dr. Google officially hates me.