We all know it’s coming. The holiday season. It’s not really a holiday season, is it? It’s more like a two-month-office-sugar-bomb-free-for-all. Everybody bakes things, brings in candy and generally tries to flarg with your diet. I’ve read the other online tips for staying “good” through this dreaded two month stretch. “Pick healthy choices. Save yourself 1 cheat day. Keep counting your points….” I’ve tried ‘em. They don’t work for me. So, here are my down and dirty tricks for avoiding the office treats for the next two months.

1.) Take all of the candy out of the office candy bowl and replace it with black licorice. (Note: Make sure you throw away the original candy!). Even if you happen to actually like black licorice, you’ll have to deal with black teeth/tongue for a day.

2.) Get a motion sensor siren and hook it to the office candy bowl. (Note: it would be helpful if I knew where to buy such a device, or even if they make one…but still…it would kick ass!)

3.) Get a motion sensor skunk bomb and hook it to the office candy bowl. (Note: see note for #2)

4.) Tape a picture of the “Gluttony Victim” from the movie Se7en to the office candy bowl.

5.) Place a bathroom scale right in front of the office candy bowl.

Good luck!