Okay you know the gun barrel we’re staring down right? The Holiday Eatapalooza. Not only do I partake on the actual holiday I feel free to nosh while I bake, shop, wrap, and scream at my family (a holiday tradition.) And of course I enjoy gorging myself on leftover Thanksgiving dinner because it is even more awesomer than actual Thanksgiving Dinner.

Now that we’re in November it’s time to solidify my plan. If I have any hope of wearing something other than a giant cowl neck sweater over leggings for the holiday parties I must resolve some stuff. 

So here they are, the November Resolutions.

 *I resolve to drink 1200 ounces of water. (not in one day of course that would kill you. We’re talking six glasses a day.)
*I resolve to seek out lower calorie options for Thanksgiving Side Dishes. (Cardboard casserole?)
*I resolve to exercise at least 15 times before December 1st. (Screaming at the family about how busy I am counts as exercise.)
*I resolve to give away as many leftovers to friends and family as they’re gullible enough to take. (Let them worry about resisting more pie. I need it GONE.)
*I resolve to soul search my inner child and find out why she throws a tantrum when she feels fat and proceeds to hack through a bag of chips muttering, I’m not losing weight so I may as well enjoy my life. Where’s the fraking french onion dip?
*I resolved to stop and think about my food before I put it in my mouth AND then sit down to eat it. Recent studies suggest that that calories consumed while standing do count.
*I resolve to have carrots/mushrooms/broccoli/air nearby while I cook. I also resolve to eat them.
*I resolve to look up the nutritional information for a dollop of batter. Recent studies suggest that dollops have calories and therefore have to be counted. (I’m starting to hate recent studies.)
*I resolve to focus on the true meaning of  Thanksgiving. For that I hark-en back to the pilgrims who were thankful that treadmills hadn’t been invented yet so they didn’t have to feel guilty for not using them. They celebrated by eating turkey.