Experts say lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain. In  addition it can  make losing weight even more difficult. It’s not even about will power it’s about your hormones trying to make up for the lack of sleep by forcing you to eat things like peanut butter and jelly and what not.

So how do you get more sleep? You’ve got work, the kids, the dishwasher is full, and Real Housewives comes on at ten p.m. Hello – this all cuts into our sleepy time. SO we’re going to take a look at how to add more zzzzzs. Follow these steps to increase the amount of non-medicated sleep you get each night.

1. Quit your job. Those people don’t appreciate  you anyway. When you quit you’ll have more opportunity to sleep in. In addition you don’t have to worry about that “big project.”

2. Sell your children. (This is how you make up for the no income as a result of Step. 1) Those people don’t appreciate you anyway. PLUS imagine the nice new bedding you can purchase with the money. If you sell the kids you can get more sleep and money. We’re not sure why more people don’t figure this one out.

3. Re-do your whole bedroom. It is supposed to be an Oprah-style sanctuary not the laundry wadded dust pile. Sure you’ll lose a little sleep at first while you’re organizing the pile of books you haven’t read that are next to  your bed – but that’s temporary.

4. Read The Corrections – seriously this book made us very sleepy. Great literature often does. You also might try reading the manual to  your cell phone or microwave oven. Many people advise  you NOT to read before bed but if you pick dull books you’ll fall asleep faster.

5. Tense every muscle in your body until you see spots and lose consciousness. This is a meditation technique or maybe it’s what a two-year old does. We forget.

6. Avoid thinking about death, illness, the great void, or whether or not the people you sold the kids to are remembering one of them is allergic to strawberries. This stuff will inhibit your rest. Instead thing about CSPAN or maybe the quadratic equation.

7. Don’t nap. Napping is wonderful. It’s like chocolate and french fries and pancakes. Napping is pancakes okay? There’s no napcakes in dieting.

8. Wear adult undergarments. All that getting up to pee over five minutes is just annoying. Go in your drawers and sleep easy.

9. Do not lay your clothes out the night before. This is counter to many experts who want you to be organized for tomorrow but when we lay out our clothes we get angry. Can you believe we’re still in that elastic waisted stretchy skirt with the giant sweater. It’s JULY! We’re never going to be able to tuck stuff in again… sunofaduster. Yeah see. Don’t get worked up about the wardrobe before sleepy time.

10. Visualize your new thin and rested self laying on a beach in Italy with George Clooney or Robert Pattison. Maybe both. You’re looking hot, they’re bringing you fruity drinks and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.