Wardrobe Staples for a Fat Summer


This post made it to the front page of Yahoo Shine a few years ago – to mixed results. Most people got the humor, others felt I was making too much fun of my fat. That’s not true. I’m laughing WITH my fat. Not at it. I’m not saying you have to do this. This is just what I do? Kay? You be the judge.

Diet not working? Here’s a few things that can get us through the season in style.

Bathing Suit Cover Up
This is a must have. You’ll be wearing your suit underneath but no one will see it. To avoid taking off the cover up you can pretend to care that everyone else has a drink of water, enough sunscreen,and a snack.cover up

One Piece Bathing Suit
If you think a tankini is the perfect suit to disguise your problem areas you are butt-arse wrong. Tankinis fool the wearer into thinking they are almost in a bikini. They are not. Takinis squish the fat from the top down and the fat from the bottom up into a roll that oozes out at the middle. The ONE PIECE contains this extra stuff. The tankini does not. If you wear a bikini you’re saying “this is what I look like and I know you like it.” (We respect this type of moxie). The tankini says “let’s pretend I’m not jiggly.” The one piece says “I can jump in and they’ll be no surprises.” Get a one piece bathing suit.

Darling Skirts that Fall Just Above the Knee
SHORTS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! But it is 90 degrees. If you walk around in jeans you’ll risk hospitalization due to heat stroke and everyone will know you are uncomfortable in every way. A skirt that hits just above the knee says, hey, “it’s summer – let’s have some lemonade!” Shorts say, “lordy, look at those thighs!”” Get a few cute skirts.

T-Shirts in Bright Colors (with sleeves)
Look you get three or four t-shirts that can go with those cute skirts and you’re good to go. And yes sleeveless is in right now but if you’re afraid your triceps aren’t quite there, sleeves are fine. We’re classic dressers not mindless followers of every fad. It is our policy to only follow the fads that make us look smoking hot.

A nice pedicure says, “I care about my appearance.”

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