UCLA researchers took a bunch of lab rats, fed them Count Chocula, and then asked them to complete The New York Times crossword puzzle. Kidding, most rats prefer sudoku.

Actually, the researchers enrolled the rats in a five-day maze training session. Really. One group was given brain-boosting omega-3 fatty acids in the form of flaxseed oil and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), while the other group was not. BOTH groups of rats were fed high fructose corn syrup instead of water.

After six weeks of this the rats were put back in the maze, you know the maze that they learned like the back of their hands, or flippers or claws, or whatever rats have instead of hands. The rats that did not get omega-3 fatty acids were all continue reading…

Pink Slime Problem: There’s Pink Slime filler in some ground beef. Even when the label reads 100% ground beef. Pink Slime MAY sound like a funky new smoothie for your kid’s next sleep over but it’s so not. “Pink slime is the term used for a mixture of beef scraps and connective tissue (formerly used only for pet food and rendering) that is treated with ammonia hydroxide to remove pathogens like salmonella and E coli. These so-called “Lean Beef Trimmings,” are produced by Beef Products, Inc.” Source: Change.org – More on Pink Slime.  Avoiding the slime seems like a healthy choice, so how?

Pink Slime Strategy: You can do a few things. Look for the USDA Organic Label seen to the left, call your own grocery store and ask, or check this list of grocery stores that say they will not sell beef with the pink slime. Also ask your local school district. Read this if you’re worried about your child’s school lunches. The more you know, the more you ask, the more you’ll be able to avoid pink slime if you want. There’s no evidence that the stuff is dangerous. However NOT knowing what is in our food is unacceptable. You may decide that pink slime cooked medium well with an onion and ketchup on a kaiser roll is the perfect meal. But you deserve to know what’s in that perfect meal AND what your kid is served at school.

Red Meat Problem: You better really like that juicy steak because it could kill you! We’re not talking re-animated zombie cattle bent on consuming your brains, oh no! We’re talking this study which reports, in a nutshell, “Results show people who eat one serving of red meat per day increased their risk of dying by 12 percent. But replacing that serving of red meat with a healthier protein option like fish, poultry, legumes or nuts cuts the risk of dying by as much as 20 percent.” Now I argue that your risk of dying is 100-percent – no matter WHAT you eat. But the study says red meat increases the odds of cancer and heart disease.

Red Meat Strategy: Red meat, pink slime, all these colors can be confusing, but here’s the red meat strategy. Go for leaner proteins like chicken and fish. Enjoy your steak dinner the way god intended, steak dinner is suppose to be for celebrations. When someone is promoted or graduates bust a move with your red meat self. BUT avoid,  ”Woohoo it’s Tuesday steaks for all my men.”  Shy away from, “Yippee Glee isn’t a re-run let’s eat bacon!” Use this increase- the-chance-of-death scariness to get creative with your cooking, try Meatless Monday! Or ToFuesday! OR just say to your subjects, “I am going to LIVE LIVE until I die. Bring me my stake!.” And forget the whole thing.

Spicy Meals Good for the Heart: Now let’s end on a positive note. There’s new research that shows and we quote, ” a spicy meal helps cut levels of triglycerides, a type of fat, in the blood — even when the meal is rich in oily sauces and high in fat.” Read more here. This is good news for spice lovers everywhere. So like the Ottoman’s of ancient times take the spice route!

Spicy Strategy: Shake shake shake! Shake your spices. Go to the spice aisle at the grocery store and get something new. My newish favorite, garam masala! Zumba your little butt off and then shake your shaker of something hot on your meal. Personally cauliflower seasoned with chili powder and pepper then roasted in a hot oven has been a favorite of mine lately. This is the one bit of fun health news so grab it with both hands baby and hang on.

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Logically this study says don’t deny yourself too much because THIS will happen. In addition experts say you’ve got more time to burn the bad stuff if you eat it in the morning. Also those who eat cake for breakfast reported feeling like the King of France or something.

I plan to extrapolate this bad stuff in the morning study for all aspects of my health. From now on I’m going to eat cake for breakfast and wash it down with a martini because if you deny yourself martinis too often you’ll be very shaken, not stirred. In addition to doing my dranking in the morning I’m going to go tanning, stick a cell phone directly into my ear canal,  and let my tire pressure get stupid low. I’m also going to taunt rabid dogs in the morning just for good measure.

I’m sure in no time I’ll be looking fine! Oh and Bill Cosby was SO ahead of the research on this one.

Just choose your diet. Counting points? Set it to Weight Watchers Wand Mode! Counting carbs? Set it to Atkins Attack Mode. Then aim The Skinny Gun© at anything you want to eat. The Skinny Gun© will calculate your numbers, keep a running total, AND shock the crap out of your hand when you aim it at items that put it over your daily total! Order today. Operators are standing by.

*And for a limited time you get the patented Hormone Zone Attachment©. At certain times of the month/life/menopause/or post-partum the Hormone Zone Attachment© will release the Mood Shooter. Instead of counting points The Skinny Gun© will release snarky comments aimed at any one or thing you choose. Just smile and point – let the Mood Shooter do the dirty work!

No more counting, calculating, or remembering. Now with The Skinny Gun© it’s Ready, Aim, Diet!

Legal notice – if someone actually comes up with this you heard it here first and we’ll be the like Winklevoss Twins. We’ll dog you for our $65 Million until you give us $80 Million just to go away. You’ve been warned. We’re pretty sure we’re legally covered now. ORDER TODAY! Oh and we MAY just change the name to SkinnyGun© because we just saw The Social Network and it seems that the Napster guy thinks using the word “the” is sort of cluttered. SO we’re also claiming SkinnyGun© – order today!

Well guess the heck what? The Lose It App on our phone just upgraded it sort of DOES have a Skinny Gun©. Oh sure it’s not called that BUT you point your phone at a barcode and KAPOW you get the nutritional info logged right into  your food journal. It’s weird. Wonderful. Effective and DANG why didn’t we actually invent it. Alas… reach for the sky The Skinny Gun© is here!

The theory is that binging or cheating is often a habit not a hunger. I agree with this. I have tried to visualize stuff before and it devolves into the following stream of gobbeldygook…

Rebecca’s Brain Stream:
In front of me sits a cream filled eclair with chocolate icing. It is so rich, I’m going to sink my fork into…oh the sink is still clogged on that one side..wonder if they’ll be enough seating on the home side…I gotta go to the bank..what’s that fuzzy thing…dang is that nail is chipped.. I like essie nail polish better than…oh crap I gotta get that laundry to the dryer…I need bangs…

I recognize the need to try different techniques to curb my cheating diet heart. Which brings me a new web site, The Virtual Diet. The site offers up snacks, treats, really any kind of food, with a lovely picture. You click on little squares to “eat” the treat and it disappears bit-by0bit. I suggest you click at least 30 times since the researchers tested 30 bites. 

The Virtual Diet has got a whole system of tracking, which I’m not doing because I already track my food in a gabillion places. And of course you could also just look for good images of your favorite foods online. But remember you can’t just look for this to work, you’ve got to pretend to eat the treat in your mind. That’s how The Virtual Diet stands out. It helps you really imagine eating the donut!

If you want to read the story about the study at Sience Daily - click here.

So will this work? Let me know if you’re trying it too. Catch you later, I’m going to imagine that I exercised. (Wait, that might not work the same way.)