After work, after errands, after laundry, I was tired. It wasn’t yet dinner. Everything in me said have a sugary treat and lay down. Just a  little nap would be perfect before it’s time to fix dinner. But I did not. I grabbed a small bit of protein snack (thin turkey slice) and lifted weights to failure. I got on my treadmill and ran. Fast. For 25 minutes. The above photo is my sweaty proof. I don’t have to do what I used to do. I can change. Just one thing today. But it felt like a big thing. You can too. The phrase in the picture is what not binging and exercising instead of napping felt like.

Does this barrell make my butt look big?

1. During The Great Depression I heard they wore barrels with suspenders. Barrels hide every figure flaw from chest to upper thigh! Heck with the Pilate’s class get yourself a barrel!

2. Anxiety is a great appetite suppressant! Nothing quells the urge for a candy bar like fear of global economic collapse. Skip the vending machine and stoke your nervous stomach.  (Unless you’re a nervous eater, in that case uh oh.)

3. Panic can really help a workout! Sure all the pundits say you shouldn’t panic, I say panic like it’s your birthday. Panic your way to a higher intensity spinning class, a quicker pace on the treadmill, and even some in the car toning. That’s right, clench your muscles in the car out of sheer panic. Start with clenching your jaw, put a tight grip on the steering wheel, and while you’re at it just squeeze everything you have physical control of. Make sure the radio is on a news or financial show to keep you focused.

4. Skipping a meal or three so you can horde your food could mean BAM skinny jeans. Sure everyone says we’re supposed to eat 5 sensible meals but supermodels skip dozens of meals and they’re super models. They must know stuff. I did not have a second bowl of Cheerios this morning out of love of my family. If there’s an apocalypse driven by S &P’s downgrade who knows WHEN I’ll get to Kroger. Now the children will have one more bowl of cereal to sustain them and I will look fantastic in my barrel!

So how can YOU use the downgrade to look prettier? Share with me.

*Second Disclaimer. This is not actual health advice. This is a humor website. Remember how WE’RE NOT A DOCTOR. We expect you to get actual health advice from doctor and supermodels. Also I was joking about skipping meals. I actually did eat two bowls of cereal this morning. The kids are out of luck if we’re cut off from new cereal sources due to economic collapse.

I loved zeez so much I hit my heart with my feest and zen raised eet to zee sky. (Turning off French accent now.) The hilarious Laura Landauer sent it. I almost didn’t put it up because I was so jealous of her talent and beauty. But then I muscled down some cookies and milk and felt all warm again. So please enjoy the Celine Dion Workout Video.

*Disclaimer -This is not actually Celine Dion. If the actual Celine Dion ever puts out a workout video we’ll put that up too, cause in fact we would like to know how Celine stays that skinny.

This is the required reading for my PhD in dietology. Call me doctor.

I have 27 days until a big event. An event where I want to look nice. If I’ve learned anything from The Biggest Loser it’s that I should be able to lose 50 pounds in that amount of time being in my 40s it’s that I am wise and stuff. SO I’m going to use all my knowledge about losing a few pounds for the next 27 days.  The patent pending Five M Method©  is on – here’s how it’s going down:

Mouth – Here’s what I’m putting in it. This is not a long term lifestyle it’s more restrictive than that sort of like Jessica Simpson getting into her Daisy Dukes for the Dukes of Hazzard movie got it? Here’s what I’m eating: lean meats, eggs (many times egg whites), low fat cheeses, vegetables, fish, and the occasional fruit and small amounts of whole grains, ( if I’m dying for toast I’m going to have it) and Sugar free Jello with Cool Whip. Water. Water. Water.

Motion - Here’s how I’m moving around to rock my calorie defecit, I’m running -I LOVE running. (see mind below) Running is great! Running and running is so runny that I just can’t get enough.

Mind – I’m convinced that the MIND part is the most important. So here’s the mental mojo.For the next 27 days I’m not the diet up and down gal but rather a machine. I have iron will. I have decided. Do you remember the times I didn’t hit my goal? I don’t. What? Who are you? How did I get here?

Mirth – Me likee  to laugh and make fun of myself and diets where mucas is suppose to issue forth from – uh – well moving on. Next to MIND Mirth makes this healthy lifestyle path work for me. If I enjoy something I do it. If I don’t I don’t - that’s why the mirth. (I like running, it makes me happy, it tickles. See mind.)

Mates – The Twitter Diet is in full effect, as is Facebook, and my actual face to face friends. I like success stories and a community of support. And I like to give support mainly through the Mirth dealio. Positive reinforcement and seeing others accomplish things I aspire to accomplish give me the extra boost I need. Oh and it’s the secret sauce.

Ready, Set, Go!