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Dear (beloved husband/significant other/co-parent/lovely wife/offspring),
You may have noticed that my (butt/gut/thighs) (have/has) spread in the last few (decades/9 months/weeks/holidays) and is now (wider than an ax handle/lookin’ like a pony keg/preventing me from wearing corduroy as friction may ignite a thigh fire).
I am trying to (lose a few pounds/shrink the muffin top/fit into my old football jersey/see my toes/be [...]

Feel free to print the letter below and circle the items that apply to your workplace! 
Dear (co-worker/supervisor/boss/assistant),
I am sure you’ve noticed that I have (struggled with weight my whole life/just had a baby/am retaining water for many people/drink too many beers). Recently I have begun to (crash diet/count calories/reduce carbs/adopt a healthy lifestyle) in attempt to (lose [...]